i will

I will always love you. When this is white, I will still love you.

When the smooth softness of youth replaced by the delicate softness of age, I still want to touch your skin.

When your face is full of the lines of every smile you have ever smiled,

of every surprise i have seen flash through your eyes, when every tear you have ever cried has left its mark upon your face,

I will treasure you all the more,

because I was there to see it all I will share your life with you and I will love you until

The last breath

when you lose someone

how do you deal with a broken heart?

You cry and you scream and you act pathetic. You skip out on shower and lay in bed for days on end. You have pity parties. You get irritable and you push everyone away. You cry in bed, you cry in the shower. You let your heart ache. You let the pain throb and pulse through your entire body. You blame them, you blame yourself, you blame the world.You exhaust yourself with "what if I did this.... would we be together?" you pretend you are getting better, only to have a relapse. You drink irresponsibly, in hopes that you'll forget them for one night. However, this will only backfire and you'll end up crying harder and trying to drunk dial them. you consider giving up on life. You gather the strength to get up and take a shower, only to break down once you start the water. You attempt to completely remove them from your life, you attempt to bring them back into your life. You can't bear being around anyone or anything, because everything around you reminds you of them. You watch romance movies and listen to love songs, then you listen to I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. You have your good days and your bad days. You distract yourself at times, and other times you sit semi comfortably with your misery. You wait for them to come back, no matter how unrealistic that is. You wait until one day you wake up and the sun shines a little different. The wind grazes you and there's a slight spring in your step. One day you catch yourself laughing genuinely, and thing seem okay. You go out with friends and family again, except now you're not distracting yourself anymore. You still have those Saturday nights when you sob while watching The Notebook while wondering if they'll ever come back. But the feeling doesn't last. You wake up on Sunday and feel alright again. Happiness will grow again, it just takes strength and patience.

dear you

Dear You,

         There's so much I want to say to you, but I'm not sure where I should begin. Should I start by telling you that I love you? Or that the days I've spent with you have been the happiest in my life? Or that in the short time I've known you, I've come to believe that we were meant to be together? I could say all those things and all would be true, but as I reread them, all I can think is that I wish with you now, holding your hand and watching your exclusive smile.
         In the future, I know I'll relive our time together a thousand times. I'll hear your laughter and see your face and feel your arms around me. I'm going to miss all of that, more than you can imagine. You're rare gentlemen  and I treasure that about you. In all the time we were together, you never pressed me to sleep with you, and I can't tell you how much that meant to me. It made what we had seem even more special, and that's how I always want to remember my time with you. Like a pure white light, breaktaking to behold.         I think about you every day. Part of me is scared that there will come a time when you don't feel the same way, that you'll somehow forget about we shared, so this is what I want to do. Wherever you are and no matter what's goin on in your life, when it's the first night of the full moon -like it was the first time we met- I want you to find it in the night time sky. I want you to think about me and the week we shared, because wherever I am and no matter what's going on in my life, that's exactly what I'll be doing. If we can't be together, at least we can share that, and maybe between the two of us, we can make this last forever.
        I love you, and I'm going to hold you to the promise you once made me. If you come back, I'll never let you go. If you break your promise, you'll break my heart.

i love

I love your smile.

I love the way you say my name.

I love how my heart skips a beat every time I hear your voice.

I love your hugs.

I love the way they make me feel protected and safe.

I love that the moment I see you, becomes the best part of my day.

I love every second that I share with you.

I love that I walk really slowly when you're by my side.

I love that each time I'm with you, I feel this strong urge to hug you and never let you go.

I love out long conversations at night.

I love that you stay awake when I'm sad just to make me feel better.

I love that when I'm around you, I can't seem to stop saying "um".

I love when you tease me, altought I act like it offends me, I secretly never want you to stop.

I love that when I'm with you, I too afraid to look you in the eye, but when I do, I'm utterly speechless.

I love that you make me feel nervous each time I talk to you, I overthink everything I do, I underthink everything I do.

I love that I have the urge to play with your hair.

I love that I feel lucky that you actually want to talk to me.

for you

I wish that I had

NEVER MET YOU.
Then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you.

No need for loving you. No need for crying over you.

No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears.

No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs.

No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care.

No need, for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.........................................................

 BUT.......

I'm glad I did meet you. Cause you were the only who always asked

me if anything was wrong. You were to one who loved me for me.

The one who cared when everyone else didn't. The one who listened.

The one who stayed up late just to talk about the randomest shit ever.

You were the one who I told secrets to. The one who taught me new things. 

The one who laughed at my bad jokes. The one who did thins, just for me.

Thank you so much for everything my ex boy. I should leave you.
You'll happier without me.
And because of you I know how to love and lose someone.